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I had two conversations this morning that prove I may not be the “people person” I should be. Both involving authority type figures, which I’ve had a problem dealing with since high school, (no Mr. Vice Principal, I don’t see a reason to attend my chemistry class, because if I am already setting the curve , and don’t attend then what will happen to the rest of the class’ gpa if I do attend. I’m trying not to fuck up everyone else’s scores, so I would appreciate some slack here. To which he replied, “you are now suspended for three days for speaking to your superiors like that” to which my mother responded once he called her on speed dial (yes my mom was on speed dial in the Vice Principals office) “Are you kidding me? That’s exactly what she wants! You’re playing into her game!!! Now she has three days off” me…har har har), and one ended splendidly, while the other simply ended. Read more

Why is it that sex is so easy to talk about but when it comes to feelings I’m emotionally inadequate or inept? And most often a mixture of both?

Sex is great. Its simple, its honest, and if you are 100% attentive, you are completely aware of your partner’s most inner thoughts and feelings. When it comes to life, and all the funny little idiosyncratic bullshit we pull all day in a grandiose effort to hide our true feelings, there is no fundamental basis on which we can all relate. Read more

Um, ok…..what part does she want to massage?

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DAMASCUS, Md. (AP) — Mercedes Clemens is certified to massage humans, but she claims the state of Maryland is keeping her from her first love: Massaging horses. Read more

I should drive to San Diego tonight to give my landlord her money. I should blog. I should buy a couple dresses for the Miami forum this week and pack my shit up. We should all as human beings, do a lot of things. But we don’t. Instead I chose to adopt a furry little creature, lovingly refered to as my waste producer. Yes, Saucy Blueberry Cupcake III pees and shits every chance she gets, and everywhere she goes. She does it in front of me so much, I’m not sure she does it when I’m not around. Tree in the woods? This would work out well if she was shitting and pissing where she was supposed to be instead of my living room floor, or car (I hope the guy who leased me the Benz isn’t reading this). Ugh. Sorry dude. She’s a puppy. Read more

7/30/08

I almost wrote 01. That was weird. Very strange. A little lapse in time? Hmmm…..I wonder what I was doing today in 01. That’s right, smoking weed, fresh out of high school, and looking forward to the college years to come. I never could have predicted being in the position I am currently in. Never could have imagined all the wild and wacky things I have participated in. Could not have fathomed gaining as much momentum as I seem to be running with. The force with this one is strong, especially because 7 years ago today, I had no idea where I was going. Read more

This will be my only response to a matter that is already dead in the water.

I knew Christian posted his original blog to cause a stir. He loves the 1,000 hits a day, and I’m sure the number swelled once he decided to get on and call me ignorant.
He’s right. My ignorance of what he does on film puts the blame entirely on me. I am accountable for knowing what, where and who my male performers have been. And I’ve known he’s been with trannies, so my assumption here is that I should have become a member to whatever site he gets fucked for, or fucks for, watched the scene to make sure he has a condom on, and then move forward with my life from there. My mistake was in assuming that he had attended sex ed, and new what wonderful things condom’s can do for people, even if it is just piece of mind. I accept this responsibility, which is why I did not put Christian on my NO list, I simply requested a condom, which in turn he will claim “forced him” to my no list. Read more

(Written yesterday morning, posted up reading ChristianSingsTheBlues.com)

Today has already been difficult. Immediately upon waking, there is a text from a dear friend of mine, Christian. I am not sure whether I will ever publish this, because of its sensitive nature. Not because it is sensitive to me, but because it will be for him. As he said, “this decision will effect every girl that has an opportunity to work with me” and as I said “its your decisions Christian that have created a situation where I don’t feel comfortable working with you. It is my feelings and my prerogative. The way I feel will not effect other performers. What you choose to do with your dick will.” Read more

Just had dinner with Lexi Bardot and Brett Brando. Delish. Scrumpt. yumyumyum. A little bit perved off a glass or two of merlot, with some super fatty alfredo chicken delight and who walks in but Mr. X. Now I didn’t even notice him walking up, and Brando says (as he often jokingly says) “Here comes your x boyfriend”. I laughed, but looked, and who’s walking in but Mr. X. Fitted up as usual. I gotta say the guy has great taste. Even if all his shit is free, he still only rocks the tightest of the tightest. Head to toe. That’s why I always liked him.

It’s interesting to be in plain view of someone you used to care deeply for, but not actually be close enough to touch finger tips. Not even close enough to hear the conversations. Just close enough to see the gestures, the body language. And to remember it for when you could brush legs, or play “oops, I thought that was the table heheh,” silly i wanna rub my feet all over you games. Very interesting. I don’t know what to say about the whole situation because I really didn’t watch that much. Admittedly, he got at least 5 glances, but it was more fun not looking than looking. Funny how things end right? Read more

Weird fucking dreams. Normally, when I have strange dreams, I wake myself up from said dream and the strangeness fades from my mind, the subconscious lets go of the previous dream and begins a new one. A fresh dream, no sequel. Well this dream was a fucking winner. Not only did I attempt to wake myself up from the dream, but I did in actuality, even went to the bathroom to get water, MULTIPLE times, and what happens when I fall back asleep? Right back into the same uncomfortable dream. And now, I am afraid to go back to sleep, because I don’t want to dream this story anymore. I don’t want to add to it, or create any more plot twists with my stupid overworked imagination. The dream? Read more

Tonight I was in search of some guidance. So I turned to my pocket yogi, the very small Buddha that resides in my iphone. His knowledge is limitless, and his advice is eternally appropriate.

Tonight my iphone Buddha told me to

Leave everything behind. Read more

head fucking over. That is the phrase that would best describe my feelings. But we aren’t going to talk about my feelings, we are going to talk about the blog, the whole blog, and nothing but the blog. So help me blog.

I just got back from a party where every single person I spoke with said how dope they thought the bossman was. And I had to agree, being that I blow him at any given time, morning, noon, night, and that kind of commitment requires me to think he may be one of the coolest people I have yet to meet. And I think he may be…..

I’m sorry, please allow me to digress. HE is not the purpose of my blog tonight, although our experiences together are. Smiley face.

So I’m in vegas right, and my buddy Hard Korey is talking about this 10 that he brought back to his room the night before, saying how he face fucked her and what not. (btw, I can hear my neighbors fucking and its making me so horny I don’t know what to do. Thank god for my arsenal of toys….) Read more

What an incredible weekend. I don’t even know where to begin. Oh wait, yes I do, at the beginning, and when I get to the end, stop. Maybe.

So last Wednesday, I took off for Vegas, for the XBiz summer forum at the Hard Rock Hotel off Paradise. Not quite in paradise though, way too fucking hot to be paradise, but certainly enough fine scantily clad women to make it close. In fact, HardRock hotel may have the hottest bitches on earth staying there. But I didn’t realize that until I got there, so go figure. Always a good surprise when you walk into a building and realize that you would fuck every single chick in the room. Doesn’t happen much. Read more

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