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My story starts back about 3 weeks ago.  I had a tradeshow to attend up in Connecticut, and me and the Natebus were currently in Memphis, TN.  So I purchased a roundtrip ticket to Providence, RI (the closest airport to my tradeshow destination).  Then, about a week before the tradeshow, some changes at work necessitated that I fly to Los Angeles.  This meant that my company would have to eat the first leg of my roundtrip ticket, but me being in LA was more important.


So my company bought me a 1-way ticket to LA, and a 1 way ticket to Providence, RI.  I was in LA for a week, saw some old friends, did the work thing, and then headed off to Providence.

My 2nd day in Providence, I got a notification from Expedia that US Airways had cancelled my flight home to Memphis.  When I tried to reschedule, the only flight was at a ridiculously early time, that would have meant I had to get up at like 5am.  Not cool

My friend Rob was also at this tradeshow, and he suggested that I spend a day with him up in Maine (about 4 hours away), and then fly back to Memphis from Portland, ME.  Sounded great, I’d save money on a $100 cab ride and get a day in Maine to work on stuff for PornNewz, so off we went to Maine.

I then called Expedia to have them reschedule the flight they cancelled.  Well, it turns out that they didn’t cancel my flight…instead my cancelled my TICKET.  The reason was that US Airways has a policy where if you don’t show up for the first leg of a flight, they assume you won’t show up for the 2nd 1/2 and they cancel it.  They also don’t give you a refund…yer just shit outta luck.

My boss wasn’t upset as I had no way of knowing this policy, so they advised I buy a new ticket and just get my ass back to Memphis.  So I bought a 1-way ticket (which is guarenteed to get you pulled aside by TSA by the way), and made arrangements for Rob’s wife to drive me to Portland today (Saturday).

About halfway to Portland, I was contacted by US Airways to inform me that they had cancelled this flight as well, due to inclement weather.  They told me they had another flight tomorrow.  This didn’t work for me…I had to get home and back to work.  So they offered to book me over to another airline.  They called me back to tell me that they had changed me from US Airways to Northwest.  Only problem was that this flight wasn’t scheduled to leave for about 4 hours.  So I had like a 3 hour wait in the Portland, ME airport, but this flight would get me home 1 hour earlier.  Works for me.

Finally, 3 hours came and went and we boarded the plane destined for Memphis by way of Detroit, MI.  When I got on the plane, it was then that I noticed that my flight was scheduled to arrive in Detroit at 6:35PM and my Detroit-Memphis flight was scheduled to begin boarding at 6:36PM with a depart time of 7PM.  So at best I had 25 minutes to make my connecting flight.  Shouldn’t be problem…unless we were running late that is.

Well, turns out…my flight was underbooked and we had a weight distribution problem.  The flight attendants then moved people from the front of the plane to the back, which didn’t seem to make sense as the back of the plane was pretty full and there was NO ONE in first class.  Well, they soon realized they had screwed up and told us (vaguely) to move forward.  This caused 1 guy to just get up and move himself to First Class (important later), and the other people who had just moved to the back, came right back to their seats in the front, along with a few other movers.  The guy who moved up to first class then lost his seat as a fellow traveller moving forward claimed it.  When the stewardesses (or flight attendants…whatever) confronted the man about his self-granted upgrade, either he said something obscene or he was under the influence.  All of this is going on, mind you, as the plane is taxiing the runway again.  Well the flight attendants inform the cockpit of this guys behavior, and now we have to return to the gate…to boot him off the plane.

As this is happening, I’m watching my window for catching my connecting flight grow smaller and smaller.

We return to the gate, kick homeboy off the plane, but then we must find his luggage below….another delay.  Eventually we take off, and we’re back on our way to Detroit.

We touch down in Detroit at 6:50PM, giving me about 10 minutes to possibly catch my flight.  We wait while they hook up the walkway thingy, which of course…takes seemingly forever.

At exactly 6:58PM, the door opens, and I’m running like a madman to find out where my next gate is.  The old lady trying to make her flight vows to follow me, then 50ft later tells me she can’t keep up.  I leave her in my dust, no time for wimps…sorry lady!  Turns out I’m at gate B19 (the terminal goes all the way to B21, so I’m basically at the far end), and my connecting flight is at C27 a good 3/4 mile away.

And he’s off!!!!  I’m running like I’m being chased by blood-thirsty bears and passing little old ladies with complete disregard for the safety of anyone around me.  On the moving sidewalks, I’m able to make twice as much distance, though my laptop bag begins to hamper my running.  Either that or I’m out of shape.  I was a lot faster at 150lbs, but now I’m 180 lbs and carrying my laptop.  Not to be denied, I continue to haul ass, huffing and puffing, my breathing sounding more like Darth Vader’s than my own until I see the sign for “C27″ about 100′ ahead.

With my second wind, I run harder and faster, hoping to see the smiling gate attendant telling me “you just made it!”

But I didn’t make it.  Turns out, I missed the flight by about 5 minutes.  So basically, all my running was for nothing.  My flight took off the minute my other one touched down.

So now I’m sitting in the Detroit terminal.  Waiting 2 hours for my next flight to Memphis.  I should make this flight.  But what about my luggage?  The gate attendant told me it probably made it to the earlier flight.  Which there is no way that is possible.  Unless they teleported my luggage off the plane.  There’s no way that luggage could have beaten me to the terminal.  So, where my luggage is is anyone’s guess.  I just hope I make it to Memphis, and I don’t want to fly anywhere for a good long time now.

To be continued….


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